#took all of six months
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Guess what…I can play an actual song with actual technique beyond basic strumming. I’M FINALLY GETTING SOMEWHERE WITH THIS DARN GUITAR!!!
#Look at me go!#So proud of myself#XD#took all of six months#ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ#My guitar teacher was like “ya know I think we can move on today”#Just you wait folks#Next you’ll see me on tour
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mommm white people on tumblr are misconstruing my posts again despite the post being entirely about how important wording is + how i don’t feel comfortable posting large statements when i haven’t fully processed them yet.
#if you want to put me on a blocklist for loving netanyahu you can! i don’t! and no matter how many times i get told i do#i still don’t!#i literally said i hope his balls get cut off IN THAT POST#i don’t know how that read as unclear.#perhaps there are no hidden genocidal messages behind the wording of my tumblr posts - who knows!#when i said i cared about every single civilian living in that land i meant it. if you decide that i actually don’t that’s not my problem#if you somehow took my words and decided that what i really meant is that i’m a government bootlicker who loves murder#you can do that all you want. it won’t make it true and it won’t help save any lives#i was in ramallah and jerusalem six months ago. have you gone?#if the answer is no maybe think about that for a second#moreover if you’re viewing this from a purely racial or religious framework you have no idea how to navigate this subject#i don’t view israel and palestine through which government i want to back. why the fuck would i do that#palestinians and jews and everyone else in that land is who i care about. i care about gazans#if that’s not enough of ‘a side’ for you i don’t really think there’s much of a conversation to be had.#do you think i wake up every day NOT thinking about gaza? do you think i wouldn’t feel nauseous every second of every day because of gaza?#do you think that within everything i’m saying that the most logical conclusion would be to post all of my thoughts on tumblr?#because if you think any of that we’re not going to have a productive conversation. i don’t take kindly to being told my own emotions
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No witchy Wednesday this week. Life decided NO.
#Mr kdnfb made me socialize two days in a row this weekend#bah humbug#it was fun but man did I crash on Sunday night#sick child#broken shit in the house leading to hurricane season is not a good idea#took a golf ball sized rock to my windshield#so that was fun#both my kids are now done with school for the summer#which means they’re already bored#and one of them is learning to drive#and he’s doing fine but it’s still a little stressful for me 😬#and of course the job search decided this week would be#feast time where we’re all these jobs six months ago?!?!?#so I’ve been applying to those which takes time#instead of working on my fics#also I might be headed back to a library#not the same one but in the same county cooperative#so my former coworkers gave me the stink eye when I asked them for references#now if I can just get a freaking interview….#but I’m qualified for those jobs#like recently have experience#and if I can just get SOMETHING#it buys me time to do internships#or crap editing or writing jobs to check that experience box#on my resume
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Jason never got to be 16. makes me sad.
Not to deny that Jason not being able to make it to 16 in his first life is sad, but I mean he did technically end up making it, and he made it to 17 and 18 and 21 and so on and so forth, it just happened "in round two" so to speak.
What I think is sadder though, is that depending on whether he was 15 or 14 years old when this happened:
There are one of two ways he would've spent his sixteenth year.
Option 1 (if he was 15 at the time of his ressurection):
(This is 1 year post initial hospitalization)
Or Option 2 (if he was 14 at the time of his ressurection):
(And this is 2 years post initial hospitalization, 1 year post escape from that facility)
Happy sweet 16th, Jason John Doe #265 :)
Batman Annual (1961-) #25
#edit: phrasing#if he got the chance to go back Jason very likely would have chosen to have never made it to 16 at all#he did mention this verbatim more than once in comics that postdate this one too#his imposter syndrome also appears to be getting more and more severe in each new comic#in conclusion what's sadder is both that he *did* make it to 16 and it was a fate worse than staying dead#*and* that it was never his choice#also part of why I love ditf-Jason so much. it’s about how downright suicidal he is in like every branch#kelseethe#as far as Jason is concerned he got hit by that car within moments of being pulverized exploded and buried#not six months#kinda crazy isn’t it#a bit off-topic but isn't it cathartic how Jason briefly brought stability and order to his beloved Gotham (via harm reduction methods)#after he lived a life full of instability uncertainty and chaos most of which started in Gotham#and Gotham immediately took what little stability he got back/still had away from him as soon as he faced Bruce (talking abt batman 650)#he's just in a constant cycle of trying to help gotham while gotham just cuts his legs out from underneath#<- anyway there's what you get when you send Kelsey an ask#a “mhm yeah anyway *I*-” response lol
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50 jyn/cassian? 👀
50. the hands of fate (from this prompt list)
After such a crushing defeat, Cassian decides that what he and his teammates really need is another round, and since everyone else is still arguing over the finer points of the last question, he decides it’s up to him to make that happen. Luckily, the bar is not particularly crowded at that moment, so he’s able to get the attention of the bartender right away.
“What can I get for you?” she asks, leaning slightly across the bar to hear him better.
It takes him a minute to remember why he’s there, because he’s been doing trivia at this bar for the last few months and he’s never seen this bartender before, which is only notable because she’s exceptionally pretty. She’s got bright green eyes, and hair that manages to be messy in a way he suspects might actually be fashionable, and she’s wearing a black tank top that shows off some very cool-looking tattoos on her biceps. The usual Thursday night bartender barely even looks at him when she takes his order, let alone going so far as to actually speak to him in full sentences.
“Did you want to order something?” she asks, warily, and her expression shutters in the way of an experienced customer service professional who’s used to dealing with drunk people and skeevy men with alarming frequency.
Cassian shakes his head, as if to clear his mind so he doesn’t (rightfully) earn this bartender’s wrath by staring for another minute. “Yeah, sorry,” he says, adopting what he hopes is a genial expression. “We just got our asses handed to us at trivia, so my cognitive function hasn’t fully returned yet.”
The bartender offers him a half-smile at that and nods. “Take your time.”
“Uh, I think I’m just going to get another round for everyone,” Cassian says, and then rattles off his team’s drink orders. The bartender nods and, even though she doesn’t stop to write it down, he has a feeling she’s got it memorized.
She starts making a drink in front of him, and only looks up a moment later when she realizes he’s still there. “I can bring them over when I’m done,” she says, pointing her chin in the direction of his table while her hands are occupied pouring vodka into a cocktail shaker.
“Oh, right,” Cassian says, stupidly. “That would be great. I, uh, already mentioned my brain’s not working, right?”
She laughs a little, which feels sort of like a victory, and shakes her head. “Must have been a tough loss.”
“We came this close to winning for once!” he can’t help griping. “But no one on my team knew the names of the three Fates in Greek mythology.”
The bartender tosses the shaker from side to side in a practiced motion, and gives him a barely interested look. “You mean, the Moirai?” she asks.
Cassian barely stops himself from gaping at her. “I, uh, think they wanted the individual names, actually.”
“Oh, so like Clotho, Lachesis, and Atropos, then?”
“Jesus, do you write the questions?”
She smiles and pulls a glass out from under the counter. “No,” she says, as she deftly pours the contents of the shaker into the glass. “I just went through a very intense Greek mythology phase when I was a kid.”
“Thank god. I was beginning to think I was just stupid!”
“The two ideas are not mutually exclusive,” she replies, breezily, as she tosses an olive into the drink. “I’ll bring your drinks right over, unless you want me to keep talking to you about mythology.”
There actually isn’t anything Cassian wants more at the moment, but he’s already lost so much dignity at trivia that he can’t afford to lose anymore getting shut down by this beautiful bartender, so he nods and thanks her before he heads back to his table. Bodhi has finally stopped reading Wikipedia on his phone (a time-honored post-loss tradition for them) and is sitting with his head resting on Taidu’s shoulder. Melshi, on the other side of the table, is slumped in his chair, staring into the dregs of his beer.
“Another round incoming,” he says, clapping Melshi on the shoulder.
“Thank god,” Melshi replies, sitting up.
“We are bad at trivia,” Bodhi proclaims, which is also a time-honored tradition.
“We did better this time,” Taidu counters.
“Yeah, but we still lost.”
“Progress over perfection.”
“Stop being reasonable,” Melshi groans. “The wound is still too fresh.”
“You know what’s great for treating wounds?” a voice over Cassian’s shoulder asks. “Alcohol!”
The beautiful bartender appears then, with their drinks on a small tray and starts depositing them on the table, where Taidu immediately helps divvy them up to their respective recipients.
“What are you doing here?” Bodhi asks her, which seems like an odd response. Cassian looks between the two of them, puzzled.
“I told you I was working tonight,” the bartender replies, resting the now-empty tray on her hip.
“No, you didn’t.”
“I sent you a text!”
“Oh,” Taidu says. “That was your first mistake. He never reads his texts.”
“Shut up,” Bodhi says, thumping him lightly on the shoulder. “I read texts! I even reply to them! I am a functional person!”
Taidu and the bartender scoff at the same time, and Cassian is definitely missing something.
“So, why are you working tonight?” Bodhi asks, before Cassian can figure out a way to ask what’s going on without seeming rude. “I mean, I read your text, for sure, but like…remind me?”
“Kennel no-call, no-showed and Baze asked me to fill in.”
“What?! Tell me everything!”
“I just did. She didn’t call out or give notice so I have no idea what happened.”
“Okay, that’s more boring than I expected,” Bodhi says, sounding disappointed. “I always thought she’d get fired for coming after you with a knife or something.”
“You and me both, buddy,” the bartender says.
“Kennel is the usual Thursday night bartender?” Taidu asks, speaking for all of them.
“Yeah,” Bodhi says. “She’s fucking nuts.”
“Good riddance,” she agrees. Then, she turns her attention to Cassian, pointing at him with her elbow. “I put the drinks on your tab, by the way.”
Cassian blinks at her in surprise. “Oh, right. Yeah. Good. Did I—sorry, I don’t think I gave you my name, so…”
“No, but I know Bodhi, which means I also know Taidu, naturally, and I’ve met Melshi before, so I guessed you were probably Bodhi’s other co-worker, Cassian, who he does trivia with but whom I’ve never met and there was a card with that name behind the bar, so…”
“Okay, seriously, are you some kind of savant or something? Between this and knowing all of the trivia answers…”
She smiles. “I have the distinct advantage of being more sober than almost everyone in the room, which gives the impression of genius where there is none.”
“Bodhi, you didn’t tell Cassian your roommate worked here, did you?” Taidu asks suddenly, sounding amused.
Bodhi smacks himself on the forehead. “She doesn’t normally work Thursdays,” he admits, miserably, before looking up. “Cassian, this is my roommate, Jyn. She works here.”
“Jyn. Right,” Cassian says, feeling some puzzle pieces slot into place. “I’ve heard a lot about you. It’s nice to finally meet.”
“Same,” she says, extending a hand for him to shake and giving him a mysterious smile. “Though Bodhi did say you were the ringer on the trivia team, and you didn’t even know the names of the Moirai.”
“Cassian is the ringer,” Melshi says, “which just goes to show how terrible the rest of us are.”
“I think Kay was technically our ringer,” Cassian replies.
“Until he got perma-banned,” Bodhi adds, dejectedly.
“Kay?” Jyn asks.
“My roommate,” Cassian specifies. “It was for the best, he argued with the host too much.”
“Oh, that guy,” she says, nodding. “Baze and Chirrut have his picture hung up in the office. We throw darts at it, uh, lovingly.”
Cassian waves away the sheepish look she gives him. “I live with him. I understand the impulse. Anyway, that’s how Taidu ended up joining us.”
“Lucky them,” he says, raising his glass in a mock toast. “I know nothing, it turns out.”
“I mean, if they ever need someone to answer a question about the intricacies of Formula 1, you’re their man,” Jyn says.
“Taidu watches a lot of F1 at our apartment,” Bodhi explains. “He’s trying to get Jyn into it.”
“It’s not nearly violent enough for my tastes,” she says, mildly. “Anything else before I go back to the bar? Need me to name all the Argonauts, perhaps?”
“Oh, you’re going to be insufferable about this, aren’t you?” Bodhi asks, covering his face with his hands.
“It’s going to be like the eagle, pecking out Prometheus’s liver every day, only it’ll be me taunting you with Greek mythology facts.”
“Mythological facts, huh?” Melshi asks.
“I’m sorry,” Jyn says, leaning in close. “I have trouble hearing people who’ve never won bar trivia in their lives.”
“You’re right,” he replies, holding his hands up in defeat. “You got us there.”
“Next week,” Cassian says emphatically, “is going to be our week. I’m calling it.”
The pitying look Jyn gives him before she leaves their table does nothing to bolster his confidence—nor does it quell the spark of attraction he felt when he first saw her. He was really hoping the revelation that she’s Bodhi’s roommate might help with that, but no such luck. If anything, he likes her more now; Bodhi has always talked about Jyn in glowing terms and Cassian can see now that she lives up to her reputation.
He realizes only a little belatedly that he’s been watching her walk away, which feels like a bridge too far, and catches Melshi giving him an unimpressed look. He schools his expression into something overly innocent and Melshi snorts before returning his attention to his beer.
They hang around, replaying their demoralizing defeat for the tenth time and vowing (as always) to do better next time, until their drinks are finished and then everyone gets ready to leave. Melshi heads off for the train with a sardonic salute and Taidu and Bodhi head off in search of a cab, while Cassian lives close enough that he’s just going to walk home. He is already halfway out the door when he realizes he left his credit card at the bar.
He does a heel turn and heads back in, waiting at the least crowded corner of the bar until he can get someone’s attention. He’s seen a few people milling around behind the bar all night, but as far as he can tell Jyn is the only bartender on and she’s the only one there now, which means she’s busy, so he settles in to wait once he catches her eye and she gives him a nod to say she’ll be right with him.
“Sorry about that,” she says, when she finally makes her way over to him around five minutes later. “We’re short-staffed, as you know. I didn’t know Thursdays were this busy!”
“No problem,” Cassian says, signing his receipt and handing it back to her while he pockets his card. “I’ve got nowhere to be.”
Jyn drums her fingers on the bar as she considers him. “You should know,” she says, after obvious deliberation, “I only date people who win at bar trivia.”
He could not possibly have heard that correctly. “I…what?”
“I think it’s only fair that you know this about me, since you’re making your interest known.”
“I wasn’t—that’s not what—I wasn’t saying I’ve got nowhere to be like that, just that I wasn’t in a hurry! I was not trying to—”
“Sure.”
“I’m serious. It was just an expression!”
She treats him to the most exaggerated, patronizing nod of all time. “Right. And you were absolutely not checking me out earlier.”
“I was not doing that,” Cassian says, and it’s frankly embarrassing how transparent of a lie it is.
“I don’t blame you,” Jyn says, shrugging her shoulders. “I’m very cute.”
“Huh. Now that you mention it…”
She smiles, one of those mysterious, knowing ones he finds so intriguing. “Bodhi did always say he thought you and I would get along if we ever met.”
“Too bad you have such high standards,” he replies, easily. “I could think of a few ways we could get along better.”
“Well, there’s always next week,” she offers.
“You mean, next week when we’re going to win trivia and you’re going to give me your number? That next week?”
Jyn shakes her head, but he can see she’s fighting a smile. “I admire your optimism.”
“Get ready to admire my intellect too,” he says, “when I win bar trivia.”
“Whatever you say, Cassian.”
*
“So,” Cassian says, as he leans up against the bar a week later after trivia has wrapped up, “are you absolutely sure you couldn’t be talked into dating someone much much dumber than you?”
Jyn’s answering laugh, surprised and delighted and unrestrained, makes him feel so much prouder of himself than winning trivia ever could. Not that he knows for sure, of course, never having done the latter, but if he had to guess.
#PHEW OKAY#hi ani I’m so sorry this took me legit six months to write I hope you like it!!!#literally get this away from me I can’t edit it anymore 🫠#taylor swift song prompts#wovesaxe#ask#writing prompts#rebelcaptain#cassian andor#jyn erso#jyncassian#jyn x cassian#i don’t remember what my most common tag for them is ooooop#rogue one#you can tell Bodhi is my number one boy because I gave him all my ADHD in this fic#also I kinda feel like Jyn and Melshi would get along really well but like specifically in a super bitchy way#if that makes sense#anyway i should have finished editing this like two hours ago BYE#homelywenchsociety#that’s me!#that’s my writing tag don’t worry abt it#my guarantee is that I will finish a prompt you send me it just might need to haunt me for 8 months or more first
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Trip knew that he would probably pay for his little after-the-fact admission about transferring back to Enterprise later, but by god it had been worth it for the look on T’Pol’s face. Immediately post-Bound, Trip tries to define his relationship-status.
aka Trip blathers on about the situationship. 😁
#star trek enterprise#trip tucker#t'pol#trip x t'pol#i'm an unstoppable fic-writing machine!*#(*this is a lie. i wrote most of this like six months ago and then abandoned it when i couldn't make it work to my satisfaction)#(but starsandfireplains posted the first chapter of their very intriguing post-bound fic yesterday and i went 'hey i have one of those')#(and took another look at it and it wasn't as bad as i remembered!)#(anyway read this and read starsandfireplains new one too and let's all celebrate trip's smug little face at the end of that episode)#fic#mine
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An incomplete list of songs that have made me sob uncontrollably the majority of the times I have listened to them
When We Didn't Get Along (from Phineas and Ferb)
Photograph (by Cody Fry)
2085 (by AJR)
Thank You And Goodnight (by the Pilot Hazbin Hotel Cast)
#panda posts#songs#music#cody fry#ajr#phineas and ferb#hazbin hotel#hellaverse#the first one was back in like... when i was under the age of 10#the last three have all been within the past four years#so a bit of a gap#but those are the only four that i can remember consistently sobbing my eyes out to every time they came on#it took me like a month to get over photograph#and like six months to get over 2085#actually i may not be over 2085#and i don't listen to thank you and goodnight very often but considering it was what prompted me to make this post I don't think im over it#in the slightest so uhhh yeah
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The way the "Brucie" persona falls apart with the slightest in universe digging because DC hates timeliness that make sense leads me to wonder how many people genuinely think Bruce just gave himself a lobotomy.
#batman#bruce wayne#dc#because like. bruce dropped out of med school and then did up to 1-3 years of training around the world right#but bruce ALSO adopted dick when bruce himself was pretty young right?#so like lets say 25 at max bc your twenties are a goddamn nightmare but you dont really have the excuse of youth at 26#so. if bruce graduated hs at 18 that would be 4 years for bachelors right and then lets say 2 years of med school before dipping#and then add anywhere from one to tbree years for training#lets also say a six months to a year of going out as batman#and uh oh. you hit the 'youre in the later part of your twenties.'#so bruce is a smart cookie#lets say he did he bachelors in 2 years and then tbe med school#then lets do a year for training and it puts him at 23 turning 25 when he took dick in#which works#but also - that means itd be very easy information to acess. graduating in 2 years and then getting into med school#is like... a big deal? you cant just fake that. money cant just do that. his professors and classmates and friends would remember him#the uni/college he went to would deffo brag about having bruce as an alumni#bruces incompetent playboy himbo manslut act kinda doesnt mesh well with that like. at all.#and you know bruce was a weird fucking kid as well#okay time to bring tags to close all im saying is that there has to be a non inconsequential amount of people#who believe bruce wayne gave himself a lobotomy during a grief fueled mental breakdown in med school and the reason he acts Like That is#because of brain damage
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I know the last one was very recent but needta take another week off lol, Weekly TV Guide will be back next week ♥
#I hate to do it again so soon but my brain exploded <3#Tried to do too many things all at once and it tired me out lol#My behind-the-scenes project had more steps than I thought :P And I started a drawing with more details than I expected#Who knew drawing flowers was so intensive! Certainly not me lol#Back to updating my YouTube channel so there's a few video edits worked on as well#And I've been writing more lately than probably the last six months combined lol#Still trying to doodle and edit those down in the meanwhile and real life obligations-#I hadn't realized how much it all took out of me until I was already exhausted lol how silly!#I'm good! Excellent rather ♪ Just - fallen behind on other things lol#Gotta figure out how to balance Everything I want to do haha hopefully a week is enough time lol ♫
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this just in!! world governments have discovered that the enchanted forest is in fact a real alternate reality. diplomats are looking to open immigration from their realm to ours and is running a test trial. congratulations!!
due to your extensive knowledge of ouat, you specifically have been tasked with choosing exactly one (1) pre-curse inhabitant to spend 6 months here to test their suitability for our world in the hopes of integrating magic into our society.
should the trial be a failure, there will be NO further immigration between realms and the individual you have sponsored will promptly be returned home.
please keep in mind:
the participant should be quick to adapt, and on their best behaviour so as to best represent the enchanted forest
the consequences that could entail as a result of separating a family
contrary to popular belief, magic users retain their magic in this realm, so choose wisely (unless you have your own secret agenda)
good luck!!
genuinely feel like belle would be the only one capable enough not to freak out or pull a weapon on anyone long enough to make a good enough impression i gotta be so honest
also, truly? give that girl a vacation ;;
#i feel like any magic user is just straight up disqualified#if you choose david or snow they'd spend all six months trying to get back to eachother and making a whole THING about it#same with emma and killian let's be real#but also like belle is an explorer! let that girl go be an anthropologist PLEASE#caliburn-the-sword#asks#sorry this took me forever to answer ;;
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BEFORE & AFTER COLOURING CHALLENGE 🎨
Tagged by @sophsun1 thank you, darling!
I often forget to save .psds of my work because...eh it takes too much time and interrupts my workflow, so usually I only save the first gif in a set to save the colourings in case I'm interrupted or occasionally if I have one clip that I want to split into two gifs, and even then I often forget.
Colouring is the thing I struggle with most (waves in colourblindness), so I don't actually know how much of a difference my colouring makes, though I tend to enhance those aquas and oranges cause blue's what I see best, and I just like orange.
I'm incredibly bad at tagging people, so tagging @astarionisms @edjerse @mulderscully if you feel like it, and then anyone else who sees this and wants to partake, consider yourself tagged.
#my gifs#colouring challenge#tag game#farscape#the x files#firefly#deus the dark sphere#the fall of the house of usher#I genuinely think that bad blood one is my best work#and I'm incredibly proud of the crichton one specifically because that weird pinky orange filter was a pain in the arse to colour#if I hadn't lost literally all of my gif folders from before six months ago I'd have included the farscape through the looking glass set#where I completely removed the blue filter from the scene#because that's maybe the colouring im most proud of just for the sheer effort it took
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They're coming for you...
Just realized this the second of three monsters I have prepped that are known for quickly grabbing and draining their victims
#loz#loz totk#gloom hands#fanart#ever notice they're all lefties?#video game fanart#took six different colored pencils and a marker#expect more monster art over the month
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.
#it actually makes me sick like physically ill how much praise is heaped onto goyishe american leftists#people who could not point to gaza on a map six months ago. whose knowledge of middle east history comes from outdated textbooks and twitte#for being anti imperial activists and well educated anti imperialists with all the right buzzwords and all the right opinions#meanwhile nothing i say will ever be good enough bc i'm jewish and palestinians are tokenized by people who care more about appearing#like someone who Listens to Palestinians as opposed to 1) doing anything material to help them (like donating money)#and 2) not spreading obvious misinformation. something that does material damage to the cause of liberation#AND further fuels the most insidious of zionist propaganda which relies on the antisemitism of ignorant western goys#this propaganda banks on their antisemitism bc it's that fucking reliable#every white western goy that harasses jews or spreads misinfo about jews or is straight up just racist towards random israeli immigrants#ppl living in the west like running coffee shops that are now having their windows smashed bc that what? supports palestinian liberation?#makes it that much easier for actual zionist propagandists to say 'see. this was never about imperialism. they want an excuse to harm you.'#'you are only safe with us'#i grew up in a cauldron of this kind of propaganda and i was playing on hard mode i got it from the orthodox#it took years of dutiful unlearning. of wrestling with some really difficult realities. of realizing that i'd been not only lied to#but information had been deliberately kept from me to keep me from knowing the true depths of the horror happening in gaza#i did not get the luxury of starting to care about this six months ago during a concerted effort to correct the record#i had to put in the effort to unlearn two decades of propaganda given to me so young i don't remember a time when i didn't know it#and i am by far not the only jew with this experience#i have put in way more effort to care about this than every white western goy with a megaphone posting palestinian flags on IG#but none of that matters bc i am a jew and for the last 5000+ years we don't get to decide how we're discussed or how we're remembered#never mind how many jewish voices (and yes! even israeli voices!) have been supporting liberation efforts in palestine for years.#who've done an amazing job reaching more people who need help seeing through the propaganda they were raised on#i can only be a token who speaks only in protest chants or i can be an evil zionist. the anti imperial work doesn't matter.#bc anti imperial work is hard and none of them actually want to do it they just want the protest photos#anyway this is why i don't discuss this on the piss on the poor website. tbh i don't trust y'all
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possessed by the art fight bug…. who knew I had this power…..
#what the heck I’ve drawn more in the past 2 days than the past two months#Maybe even like four months …. Six months ….#I hate school if only I had this free time all the time …. Or took an art elective kmao …#day blabs
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I only come on tumblr when I'm at the very end of my rope and barely hanging on by a quickly disintegrating thread and I don't know what that tells you about me
#boygenius#lah posting#I took the drugs again#I'm worse but better#I will not stagnate#i have therapy tomorrow#it's gonna be another one of those times when I spend the whole time crying#I don't have anyone anymore that i can rely on to hold space for me when I cry#i can hold space for my own emotions now thank you very much#i'm extremely proud of that fact because six months ago that hill felt absolutely insurmountable#but it really helps when there's occasionally someone else to help with that#sorrow shared is half the sorrow and joy shared is double joy#and all that#but i'm really scared for how this is going to end#i'm in really fucking deep at this point#and it's only getting deeper#i don't want to lose my person or the farm or our plans for the future#but it can't go on like this#no matter what i do#and i can't make him realise and i can't do it for him#but i'm afraid that instead of facing the music and turning shit around he's going to choose a much worse way of dealing with things#If this ends i don't think i could ever date again#i know that's dramatic but i'm being very serious about this#i keep thinking i'm dating someone completely different each time but then every time without fail after a year or two#they get into a deep funk and can't seem to do anything but stew and complain and be mean and ruin any chance of being in a good mood#every single time to the point where i wonder if that's just what happens to people who date me#and i can't stand it because while i'm far from toxic positivity i take pride in choosing to not behave like that when things dont go my wa#but i can't risk letting this keep happening again. I genuinely think i can now be happier loving myself than i'd ever be trusting romance.#I've come so far in my healing and I can't keep letting people derail me who have no idea how to self-regulate or have self-compassion#I'm getting sick again. I can feel it happening in my body
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One of the quickest ways I can tell whether someone American has written a fic about UK key workers / government workers is if they have someone say that they "used up all their sick days".
#Paid leave is limited to a certain amount of time a year#and you have to ask for it before the roster is done and finalized#but even low ranking pay bands get at least a few weeks#but paid sick leave does not “run out” or “get used up”#instantly took me out of the fic headspace though it is not the fault of the author#it's just a dead give away#that or anyone refusing an ambulance because of how much it costs#your PAID sick leave might run out but that would take (going off someone I know's experience) about six months on reduced pay#plus a transitional period at lower pay still#before you get on sick leave no pay#there is no way if someone faked being sick without getting caught for five days you would have “used it all up”#character: cannot take off work despite being sick as shit bc I went to a con for five days and used up my sick leave for it#me: buddy buddy no just take some of your paid leave in advance or swap shifts why risk ending up in hot water for faking illness#me: also five days is about how much you have before you need a doctor to certificate you as needing to be off longer than that#sure it makes for good whump / let me take care of you fic fodder but like... no#immediately takes me out#about fandom#about fanfics
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